I'm sick of being fat and I'm scared of getting older while being fat. But I just can't figure out how to be consistent with my behavior. I'm disciplined in other aspects of my life, but when it comes to controlling my own damn body, I'm a failure.
I'm trying to be more grateful. Things aren't so bad, you know? I have a roof over my head and (too much) food in my belly and if I got fired toady, I'd still be able to pay the mortgage and the power bill for a couple of months without too much trouble. But my biggest dissatisfaction in life is my own physical being. It's so depressing.
Speaking of depressing, a nurse friend recommended I go on an antidepressant. She says it'll help with my weight. Do i really want to do that though? I don't think I feel depressed, but maybe I really am?
Anyway, I have labs drawn on Halloween then a doctor's appointment a week later. I may or may not talk to the doctor about antidepressants then. We'll see...
