High Level Embarrassment

I've been looking for a hole to crawl into for the last couple of weeks.

I guess I'll get right to the icing on the cake that's been the most humiliating incident ....

On Friday I stupidly volunteered to pick up lunch from Zaxby's for myself and 3 coworkers.  While carrying 3 full drinks, I slipped and fell in front of God and everybody. There was a man behind me who yelled "Ohh!" the way you yell at a missed field goal.  Nobody in the crowded restaurant offered to help me and  the lady behind the counter all but threw new cups at me to start filling up again.  It was the worst feeling in the world.

I can't help but think that if I had been a skinny woman, all of those men (why were so many men in there that day at that time?) would have helped me.  Someone could have done SOMETHING.  I hope that I would help someone up if I had been in line.  Ugh.  I keep replaying the incident in my head over and over.  I can't stop.  I don't even know if anybody I knew was in there because I kept my head down the rest of the time.

Sooo...this was just the end to a week that was already kind of shitty.  Just the usual self loathing and refusal to weigh myself because I'm just not interested in reality.

OH! And the reason I suggested Zaxbys was because I wanted to get a salad and straighten myself out. Dammit.

The good news is that I've tracked every bite for the last two days now. Maybe I can be humiliated into losing weight.

Food, drink, fun, more food, and more food...

Whew, it's been a busy week (two weeks?).  My friend from high school was here for three days and it took me at least a full week to get the house cleaned up enough to where I wasn't embarrassed.  :)

My friend lives in Brooklyn and has never been to Savannah.  Her first remarks were about how green our vegetation is and how it felt like she was breathing water.  Yeah, it's crazy humid even when it's not hot here.

I wish I had taken pictures of everything we ate and did while she was here, but I was living in the moment.  I took her to the tourist hot spots and had so much fun.  We went to a cute little jewelry store that I'd only been in one time previously and got some cute fire stone earrings.

We had brunch at Huey's on the river and she had her first taste of a fried green tomato, which she raved about!  The also had some of the best coffee..mmmmm...coffee.

I ordered the eggs benedict.  Not picture: beignets.

When we weren't eating or shopping, we were out alligator watching.  One was even sunbathing with a swollen belly.  Wonder if he had the beignets too.

Sunday night's dinner included a grilled bacon wrapped jalapeno popper.  It was far better than the breaded and fried kind.

She left today and while I loved having her around, I'm so ready to get back into my routine.  Does that make me sound old? :) I like to lay around naked after a shower. I like to fall asleep on my recliner while the tv plays.  I like to drink a cup of coffee before talking to anyone in the mornings.  These are all things that can't be done with company in the house.

Making of a firmer butt, and also an admirer

I've done pilates twice this week plus went on an hour long walk today.  I know it's only been a few weeks since I've picked up exercise again, but I swear my butt is looking nicer.  Like a little firmer and maybe a bit more lifted.  I don't know if it's all in my head or not though. Probably is:)

A man came into my work 3 times last week and stared at me each time. Finally I just kind of waved at him and I guess that opened up the door for conversation where he proceeded to tell me that he likes big girls and thinks I'm beautiful.  I know it was a compliment, but my mind was all, "DID YOU JUST SAY I'M FAT?!?!?!?!"

Anyway, I told him I'm happily married and he went on his merry way.  Honestly though, I'm very flattered that someone said I'm beautiful, but the whole big girl comment killed the flattery. Who says that to a stranger?

We're going camping for Easter, which is exciting.  Sometimes we go in our camper and sometimes we go in a tent.  Since it will be nice weather, we're going the tent route. I need to buy some marshmallows...

It might be getting better

Apparently when I wrote my last post, I was PMSing.  No wonder I had been pigging out and had low energy.  My period finally came today and I'm suddenly not as hungry anymore.  In fact, I've been counting calories today and will easily hit my goal of staying under 1800.

We got Sushi from Publix tonight.

I'm a weenie and usually get the veggie sushi.  Although I did get the salmon and cream cheese kind last weekend and it was pretty good.

Publix has started putting calorie counts on the sushi and I'm so happy/excited at how much you get to eat for 600 or less.

My bff from college is coming to town tomorrow!!!!  I'm so excited.  Usually I have to go up there (Ohio) to see her, but she's driving through to Florida and is making an extra special stop in Savannah for the night.

I definitely won't be drinking since I'll have to drive, but we will probably go out for a bite.  This is actually my first friend to teach me how to count calories. Isn't it funny what you bond over with some people?

Struggle

I'm having a hard time lately.  I wake up thinking about it being a new day and how I'm the only one who can change my life, and then someone breaks out the chips and bean dip and I'm a goner.

I have 3 different house guests coming over the next 6 weeks.  I'm not one who entertains a whole lot so I'm stressed out. Is my house ever going to be clean enough? It's small and we have 3 dogs so I'm always afraid that it smells like dog. How embarrassing.  But I love my dogs far more than I love most people so they are allowed to stink it up.

I'm also a little stressed about money.  I've been doing well with my budget and paying down debt, but will I suddenly have to spend a lot of money while entertaining guests?  Am I expected to serve wine and fancy cheeses?  Can it be Diet Coke and Cheetos?  I've honestly been on Pinterest asking these very questions.

I spent an hour on the treadmill Saturday and felt guilty for not being at home scrubbing carpets.  Hahaha.  That just sounds silly now.

I'm giving myself a daily cleaning task so that little by little everything should be spotless.  Last night I scrubbed the HECK out of the tub. It's so shiny and my husband said it felt sterile like a hospital when he showered this morning.  Today's goal is to organize all of the clothes that aren't properly folded or on hangers.  It's not a huge pile, but it's an ugly pile.

Another goal today is to not stress.  Just do what has to be done and quit letting it get to me.  Hopefully this will help with my eating too since I'm a stress eater.

Longest week ever!

Did it drag or is it just me?

I finally finished House of Cards on Tuesday (or was it Wednesday?) and, um, Frank Underwood has RUINED MY LIFE.  Or maybe it's Claire who ruined it, but I know it's one of them.

Work has been challenging.  There's a coworker who brings me down with her holier than thou attitude.  I'm not the only one she bugs, but she's really getting under my skin.

Let me stop before I go on a  rant, which goes against my morals because when I started writing this blog, I vowed to not talk about work because we know how that works out for most bloggers.

Forgive me.

I'm a bachelorette this weekend since hubby is out of town.  I ordered a pizza.  Pizza is one of my bad habits that landed me writing a blog about the agony of being fat.

Look at that beaut!

I vow to ride 20 minutes per slice on my recumbent bike tonight.

Bootay Exposé

I wore these jeans to work on Friday and after a long day, I came home and noticed there was a tear by the pocket. 

I really wish I knew how long my underwear was shining to the world before I noticed.  Maybe there's a little too much junk in this trunk.

Admittedly, I had a gluttonous weekend.  The only good thing is how active I was both of the days so I'm trying not to beat myself up too much about it.  I start everyday trying to count calories, but always end up failing.  I just need to focus on intuitive eating and not necessarily tracking every bite of food.  At least that's what I think I need to do.

I'm excited about the state of my garden.  Here are the beginnings of zucchini.

Do you ever make egg scrambles?  I did this often last summer: chop some onions and zucchini or yellow squash and cook in a bit of coconut oil then scramble some eggs and add to the cooked veggies.  yum yum yum.  I never had to add salt or cheese or anything because the freshly picked vegetables taste so good.