Liquid Gold

I'm an addict.

I don't smoke or do drugs and I don't drink very often, but I wake up needing Diet Coke.  I need to feel the burn in my throat.  Oh, it burns so good.

I used to be addicted to coffee until I got old and had heartburn every morning after drinking it.  Diet Coke doesn't betray my body like coffee did.

Because I realize I need to lay off the DC, I've tried to find other things to pep me up in the morning.  I stumbled upon this stuff

(Like, really, I'm too old to learn how to rotate a picture, obviously.)

Anyway, I love both carrots and mango separately, but this is just not the same as the sickeningly-sweet-with-a-bitter-aftertaste therapy that I need.

Back in the day when I was a successful calorie counter, I chugged diet sodas like a champ and still lost weight every week.  I know it can't be healthy, but when you're in your 20s and losing weight, things like artificial sweeteners don't bother you.  At least they didn't bother me.  I guess this is a sign of maturity, right?  When we actually care about our overall health and not just weight.

We've done well about not eating out lately, except for my husband's birthday but that was a legit special occasion so I'm not stressing.

I'm getting excited about possible cooler weather soon (for Savannah, that means 89 instead of 90, am I right?).  I'm ready to take long walks outside and to breathe in some fresh air.  Oh, to be able to open the windows and feel a breeze in the house. Isn't that the best?

Oh!  And I've made serious headway on paying down my debt.  I dream of the day when I can spend a whole paycheck on something other than debt. Wouldn't that be amazing?

There are always challenges

This has been a trying month .  Just when I thought I had a handle on my eating, we had a family emergency and the only way I've ever dealt with stress is with food.  

My father-in-law passed away Saturday August 6th.  When we got the call that Friday before that we needed to GET UP THERE RIGHT NOW, my husband and I left work in a hurry and took the 5ish hour drive to his parents' house.  Approximately six hours after we got up there, my father-in-law passed away.  I'm glad my husband was able to get up there and say his good byes and was even at bedside with his mother and siblings when he died.

We stayed up there for several days and had food brought in by friend after friend.  It was so nice to see how many lives he touched and how many people loved him.  He really was a good soul.

So I drowned my sorrows the only way I know how, in pineapple cake, homemade chicken pot pie, honey baked ham, sweet potatoes, macaroni and cheese, etc.

I hate to admit this, but all of that delicious food really did make the pain go away for a few minutes at a time.  In hindsight, it's probably just because I was concentrating on eating and not the loss of a loved one.

My husband says that his dad wouldn't want anybody sitting around weeping over him, and I believe that's true.  He was the type of guy who didn't want to be the center of attention. He would want us to all move on and be happy in our lives.

I'm glad to be back home and in my little routine, now I just need to make sure the routine includes exercise.  I did cut the grass before 8 o'clock this morning since I live in the part of the world that is miserable outside after about 8:30 a.m.  I came inside at just a few minutes after 8 and was covered in sweat.  The kind of sweat that makes it hard to take off your clothes because they're just stuck to your body.

As if you didn't know

I've been absent so that I could be fat and miserable in peace.

But now I'm on the exercise bike typing this on my iPad. 

Fall down 7 times and get up 8, right?

High Level Embarrassment

I've been looking for a hole to crawl into for the last couple of weeks.

I guess I'll get right to the icing on the cake that's been the most humiliating incident ....

On Friday I stupidly volunteered to pick up lunch from Zaxby's for myself and 3 coworkers.  While carrying 3 full drinks, I slipped and fell in front of God and everybody. There was a man behind me who yelled "Ohh!" the way you yell at a missed field goal.  Nobody in the crowded restaurant offered to help me and  the lady behind the counter all but threw new cups at me to start filling up again.  It was the worst feeling in the world.

I can't help but think that if I had been a skinny woman, all of those men (why were so many men in there that day at that time?) would have helped me.  Someone could have done SOMETHING.  I hope that I would help someone up if I had been in line.  Ugh.  I keep replaying the incident in my head over and over.  I can't stop.  I don't even know if anybody I knew was in there because I kept my head down the rest of the time.

Sooo...this was just the end to a week that was already kind of shitty.  Just the usual self loathing and refusal to weigh myself because I'm just not interested in reality.

OH! And the reason I suggested Zaxbys was because I wanted to get a salad and straighten myself out. Dammit.

The good news is that I've tracked every bite for the last two days now. Maybe I can be humiliated into losing weight.

Food, drink, fun, more food, and more food...

Whew, it's been a busy week (two weeks?).  My friend from high school was here for three days and it took me at least a full week to get the house cleaned up enough to where I wasn't embarrassed.  :)

My friend lives in Brooklyn and has never been to Savannah.  Her first remarks were about how green our vegetation is and how it felt like she was breathing water.  Yeah, it's crazy humid even when it's not hot here.

I wish I had taken pictures of everything we ate and did while she was here, but I was living in the moment.  I took her to the tourist hot spots and had so much fun.  We went to a cute little jewelry store that I'd only been in one time previously and got some cute fire stone earrings.

We had brunch at Huey's on the river and she had her first taste of a fried green tomato, which she raved about!  The also had some of the best coffee..mmmmm...coffee.

I ordered the eggs benedict.  Not picture: beignets.

When we weren't eating or shopping, we were out alligator watching.  One was even sunbathing with a swollen belly.  Wonder if he had the beignets too.

Sunday night's dinner included a grilled bacon wrapped jalapeno popper.  It was far better than the breaded and fried kind.

She left today and while I loved having her around, I'm so ready to get back into my routine.  Does that make me sound old? :) I like to lay around naked after a shower. I like to fall asleep on my recliner while the tv plays.  I like to drink a cup of coffee before talking to anyone in the mornings.  These are all things that can't be done with company in the house.

Making of a firmer butt, and also an admirer

I've done pilates twice this week plus went on an hour long walk today.  I know it's only been a few weeks since I've picked up exercise again, but I swear my butt is looking nicer.  Like a little firmer and maybe a bit more lifted.  I don't know if it's all in my head or not though. Probably is:)

A man came into my work 3 times last week and stared at me each time. Finally I just kind of waved at him and I guess that opened up the door for conversation where he proceeded to tell me that he likes big girls and thinks I'm beautiful.  I know it was a compliment, but my mind was all, "DID YOU JUST SAY I'M FAT?!?!?!?!"

Anyway, I told him I'm happily married and he went on his merry way.  Honestly though, I'm very flattered that someone said I'm beautiful, but the whole big girl comment killed the flattery. Who says that to a stranger?

We're going camping for Easter, which is exciting.  Sometimes we go in our camper and sometimes we go in a tent.  Since it will be nice weather, we're going the tent route. I need to buy some marshmallows...

It might be getting better

Apparently when I wrote my last post, I was PMSing.  No wonder I had been pigging out and had low energy.  My period finally came today and I'm suddenly not as hungry anymore.  In fact, I've been counting calories today and will easily hit my goal of staying under 1800.

We got Sushi from Publix tonight.

I'm a weenie and usually get the veggie sushi.  Although I did get the salmon and cream cheese kind last weekend and it was pretty good.

Publix has started putting calorie counts on the sushi and I'm so happy/excited at how much you get to eat for 600 or less.

My bff from college is coming to town tomorrow!!!!  I'm so excited.  Usually I have to go up there (Ohio) to see her, but she's driving through to Florida and is making an extra special stop in Savannah for the night.

I definitely won't be drinking since I'll have to drive, but we will probably go out for a bite.  This is actually my first friend to teach me how to count calories. Isn't it funny what you bond over with some people?