I won't back down

I love that Tom Petty song.

In a world that keeps on pushing me around
But I stand my ground
And I won't back down

It's easy right now to sing a song about not backing down.  I weighed myself this morning for the first time in ages and I was pleasantly surprised to be below 230.  229.5 to be exact :)

Looking back at my notebook of weights, this is the lowest weight of 2018.  I hit it one other time early in the year, but never got lower.

With these milder temps, I've been doing things like taking hour-long walks outside. Being outdoors when there's a slight breeze and it's not 80+ degrees is so invigorating.

It's nice to come here and report something upbeat.  Now if only it could last more than a couple days.

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

Do you know how exhausting it is to write the same thing over and over again?  One post is full of motivation and optimism.  The next is bleak despair.

I'm sick of being fat and I'm scared of getting older while being fat.  But I just can't figure out how to be consistent with my behavior.  I'm disciplined in other aspects of my life, but when it comes to controlling my own damn body, I'm a failure.  

I'm trying to be more grateful.  Things aren't so bad, you know? I have a roof over my head and (too much) food in my belly and if I got fired toady, I'd still be able to pay the mortgage and the power bill for a couple of months without too much trouble.  But my biggest dissatisfaction in life is my own physical being. It's so depressing.

Speaking of depressing, a nurse friend recommended I go on an antidepressant. She says it'll help with my weight.  Do i really want to do that though?  I don't think I feel depressed, but maybe I really am?

Anyway, I have labs drawn on Halloween then a doctor's appointment a week later.  I may or may not talk to the doctor about antidepressants then.  We'll see...

Don't wait up for me

avoidance

 noun, often attributive

avoid·ance | \ ə-ˈvȯid-ᵊn(t)s  \

Medical Definition of Avoidance 

: the act or practice of keeping away from or withdrawing from something undesirablereinforced by escape or avoidance of electric shock—E. S. Katkin & E. N. Murrayavoidance learningespecially : an anticipatory response undertaken to avoid a noxious stimulusconditioned avoidance in mice

courtesy of: Merriam-Webster

Turtles win the race and all that

Well this turtle better get a big gold medal because weight loss is taking forever.

Today's weight: 233

It's taken two weeks to lose a single pound. Ugh. I can only think of two days when I didn't track every calorie that went in my mouth. I blame it on getting older because this problem didn't happen in my 20s. Back then weight loss was fast and furious. But my dumbass didn't keep it off so here we are again.....

It ain't no sin to be glad you're alive

With the exception of last Saturday, I'm still doing the diet and exercise thing. 

I'm on day 14 of this 21-day arm challenge I found on Pinterest. 

It's very hard while I'm doing it but it doesn't leave me sore the next day. I really like being sore after exercise. But I'm feeling good about myself and my energy levels are improving!

Let's see, what else is going on? Not a damn thing.  Having a boring life does not make very good blog material. 

They say you gotta stay hungry

Hey baby I'm just about starving tonight

That's a Bruce Springsteen lyric. I'm not really starving. 

I am, however, 234 this morning. That's a 2.5 pound weight loss from 2 weeks ago! The mature side of my brain is happy because that amount is reasonable, healthy, sustainable, etc. The overwhelming childlike part of my brain is stomping her feet and scrunching up her face because it should have been a much larger drop. Hahaha. That bitch is nuts.

I didn't really want to do this

I weighed myself this morning and had NO intention of reporting it on my blog.  But here I am, for whatever reason, letting you know the verdict.  I'm 236.5. That's 5 pounds higher than I was on New Year's Day.  But I guess gaining 5 pounds in 7 months isn't the end of the world.  I SHOULD be able to lose that again, right?

Ok, now if I can just find the motivation to exercise.