Unpopular opinion: I love your food pics!

 I often hear people complain about someone posting their meals on social media, but truth be told, I love them.  I think food is such a mundane thing, but it gives a glimpse into someone's life.  Plus, I'm obsessed with food so obviously I love them.

Today I made a hash of onion, potatoes, egg, cheese and hot sauce.  It was warm and filling and less than 400 calories.  It was also very cheap to make!  This would have cost $5 or more in a restaurant.

I'm nearly a week into my new lifestyle of eating better and exercising.  Maybe I'll weigh myself one day even though the thought of weighing makes me cringe.  For now I'll just appreciate these sore muscles.

Head in the sand

I've been ignoring my weight problem so that it can go away.

It did not.

Another day older

May 1st - 235
June 1st - 231.5

May was a fun filled month. I turned 40 (ack!) and went on a long weekend to visit a friend and drink all the Prosecco and eat all the food so it's amazing I managed to lose a few pounds.

I've thought about writing here a million times over the last month but my laziness always wins out. I'm fighting the need for a nap at the moment #thisisforty so this won't even be a long post.

Hope everybody is well.

HI it's me

Coming to you live from the exercise bike.

In case you didn't know, I'm the type who trips over one step then throws myself down the rest of the stairs. When I start to fail, I make sure I fail completely. It's just how I am when it comes to diet and exercise.

If you can convince me or hypnotize me to behave differently, please feel free.

As I lay in bed Sunday night full of pizza and breadsticks, I thought I could possible die soon if I don't change. I turn 40 this year. Obese people don't live long lives, and I enjoy being alive.

I have these revelations occasionally and it makes me clean up my act momentarily. I want to clean it up permanently though. I don't want to wait until I'm diabetic and hypertensive and on a bunch of meds. I want to prevent all of that and for some reason I just can't make myself do it.

For the moment though, I understand the severity of the situation. I'm on my exercise bike hoping to make this a routine.

Fail

The whole last week was a failure for me, which is extra disappointing because the previous week was such a win.

It's Sunday and I'm starting anew.

Four days of counting calories and 150 minutes of exercise.  It's totally reasonable.  Let's go!

Results

Last week's goals: 4 days of counting calories and 150 minutes of exercise

Results: 5 days of counting calories and 155 minutes of exercise!!!!

I'm very happy with my behavior last week. I almost made it 6 days of staying in my calorie goal, but had a Shamrock Shake last night along with some food at McDonald's so last night was a little bit of a fail.  But!  Five days of staying within my calorie goal is a pretty big deal for me so yay!

Also, the Shamrock Shake was delicious so no regrets.

The fun part of exercise is that I'm sore all the time.  The good kind of sore.  I know that will go away in a few weeks if I continue to exercise, but I love this feeling!  It's my body telling me it is getting stronger!  NSV!

This week's goal: 5 days of staying within my calorie range and 150 minutes of exercise.

My calorie goal is 1660, by the way.  

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Uhhh...what day is it?

Dang. My days are all mixed up. I thought I weighed in last Wednesday, but it was last Tuesday. Oh well, here are the results from an 8 day week.

Last week: 234
Today: 231

THREE POUNDS! It's been a long time since I've seen a loss like this!

I have been exercising self control, but I didn't think it was 3 pounds worth of self control. This is very motivating!

Four years

Is that how long I've been sick? Four years?  Feels like it. 

Took my last dose of Prednisone and decided to weigh myself this morning for the first time since God knows when.  I was 234 and when I went to write it in my little notebook, I thumbed through some pages and realized that I've been bouncing around the 230s since 2015.  Sure, there's a brief moment when I got into the 220s, but mostly I've been between 231-235 for the last four years.

I want to change it so badly:(

How can you be in control of something and want to change it, but just don't?  So depressing.

I still have this hacking cough.  I even bought some Robitussin to take tonight because I'm losing sleep from waking up to cough.  I do, however, feel much better.  Just this damn lingering cough.

Oh!  And Luke Perry died yesterday.  My heart breaks. I fell in love with him in middle school when he was on 90210 and I re-fell in love with him on Riverdale.  So sad. And so young.

Fat Girl Nightmare

Doctor put me on Prednisone.  You know, the automatically-gain-ten-pounds drug.

It's just for five days, wish me luck.

No Bueno

I'm sick.  So sick that I went to the doctor on Monday for a strep test.  I rarely do stuff like that.

The nurse did a rapid strep and it was negative, which is good.  BUT DAMN!  I've never ever in my life had such a miserably painful sore throat.  The symptoms started Friday and it's now Wednesday and it's still very sore.  I thought it was a little better when I woke up this morning, but as the day went on, the pain came back with a vengeance.

Also, the internet says rapid strep tests are less accurate than the real ones.  I don't know the difference other than I had my results within 10 minutes of having my throat swabbed.

Speaking of swabbing, I woke up in the middle of one night thinking that all I wanted was to swab my throat with a piece of ice. It was burning so badly. Anyway, when my husband came home with a box of popsicles, I started deep throating those things.  Judge me.  I don't care.

Yes, I'm sneezing, coughing, really congested and have such watery eyes that my husband asked if I was crying.  God, I wish this was just a good cry instead of the hell on earth I'm experiencing.

Needless to say, this is not a very good diet and exercise week, but I'm not too mad at myself.  I just want to get back to breathing normally and swallowing without bracing for pain each time. Also, who wants to count calories when it's been 10 popsicles and 20 Ricola?  I haven't really been eating much so I should probably weigh myself sometime soon. 

Anyway, are y'all sick of me bitching by now?  It's actually nice to complain sometimes.  LOL

I hate laziness

I read the words "I hate laziness" on a personal finance blog this morning.  Although the author was specifically talking about people who refuse to live within their means, the words struck me hard. 

I felt attacked.  I'm the lazy person.

After work (where I have a desk job) I come straight home to my recliner and mostly just stay there until I get up to go to bed.

Like the blog author who can't believe people would rather finance a $50K sports car than contribute to a 401K, I can't believe I'm going to be 40 this year and won't take care of my health.

The laziness must stop now.

Goals: 150 minutes of exercise and 4 days of staying under 1660 calories.

Last week: 75 minutes of exercise and NO DAYS of staying under 1660 calories.

I solemnly swear this week will be better.

Fail

Last week's goal: 4 days of staying under 1660 calories and 150 minutes of exercise.

Actual: 2 days under 1660 cals and 30 minutes of exercise.

Oops.

Let's try this again.

By the hair on my chinny chin chin

I can't believe I actually set goals last week and MET THEM!!!!  My goals were 4 days of counting calories and staying under 1800, and 150 minutes of exercise.  I just barely met those goals, but they were met!

Sunday - Tuesday I tried counting calories every day then just sort of...didn't...

So on Wednesday I was like "it's now or never" and so I chose NOW!  AND I STUCK IT OUT FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK! Sorry for all of the caps and exclamations, but it's been a long time since I set a goal then followed through. It's freaking exciting!

The 150 minutes of exercise was also just barely met.  It only happened because I took a 60-minute walk on Saturday and that pushed me up to 150.  Whew.

Now it's Sunday evening and I'm setting another round of goals for the week.  This time I want to stay under 1660 for 4 days.  That's the limit that MyFitnessPal wants me eat.  Let's also stay with the 150 minutes of exercise. 

Things I shouldn't admit

I'm really about to embarrass myself here....

1) I was happy that husband was asleep when I came home from grocery shopping so that I could hide a bag of cream filled pastries in my closet so I don't have to share.

2) I've had this habit for years where I look up menus for fancy restaurants and read every single word.  Like really, I spend a stupid amount of time reading ingredient lists and descriptions of dishes.

There's an obvious food obsession going on. How does this stop?  And please, don't just say "stop doing that" because if that worked, I would be rich, skinny, and have very oganized cabinets.

Anyway, I'm ready to start making some goals.  This week: at least 150 minutes of exercise and 4 days of counting calories and staying under 1800.

Seeking

I need an actual Daddy Warbucks to replace my Garmin that may or may not have been held (and re-held and re-held again) together with electrical tape for the last year.

The good news is that I'm wearing it again which means that I care about my activity level.

Now if only I could wire my jaw shut...

New Year New Me

Hah! Just kidding! I'm still on my same bullshit! But I'm starting to feel motivated again. So maybe I'll be back in the swing soon. Fingers crossed.

Like a river that don't know where it's flowing

....I took a wrong turn and I just kept going.

Small pieces complete big puzzles

How many blog posts have y'all started then ended up deleting after a few paragraphs?  That's been me a bunch lately.  I'll start off with something good to say but end up thinking it's complete crap.

Since it's Sunday, I've decided to give myself some short term goals for the week.  Sometimes the problem with goals is that they are too big or take too long and I lose sight or even forget I made them.  So starting today I'm making a plan.  This week I will count calories 4 days and log 150 minutes of exercise.

I wanted to make a plan that I think I'll actually stick to. Something that isn't very aggressive, but is still working towards my overall weight loss goals.

The 150 minutes of exercise comes from a health documentary I watched yesterday.  If I remember correctly it is the American Heart Association that gives the guideline of 150 minutes of exercise per week.  That's totally doable, especially since I took a nice long walk with a friend this morning and got a good start on counting exercise minutes.

The reason I'm going with 4 days of counting calories is because it never fails that something will come up and I need to be lenient with food.  Sometimes my boss will want to buy lunch or I'll have a rough day at work and want a couple glasses of wine.  Going with 4 days gives me permission to relax 3 days (NOT to go hog wild) but still keep a watch on myself.

I probably should've weighed myself this morning, but I will stick to just weighing on the first day of the month for now.  It stops me from obsessing over the scale.

The scale can't tell the whole story

I had my yearly physical yesterday and the doctor and I were both happy to see all of my labs came back normal. Even my anemia has resolved since last year! 

BUT her scale shows me up 3 pounds since this time last year. Normally I'd be all "Pssh 3 pounds in a year ain't a thing!" But my scale shows that I'm doing well so it's very frustrating to see something different on the doctor's scale. 

At home I always weigh first thing in the morning, naked, after using the bathroom. So I'm sure that coffee I had and those clothes I wore could make the scale at her office give a different reading. 

My main concern was making sure the bloodwork was good. As I inch closer and closer to 40, weight loss is less about being cute and more about sustaining life.

I won't back down

I love that Tom Petty song.

In a world that keeps on pushing me around
But I stand my ground
And I won't back down

It's easy right now to sing a song about not backing down.  I weighed myself this morning for the first time in ages and I was pleasantly surprised to be below 230.  229.5 to be exact :)

Looking back at my notebook of weights, this is the lowest weight of 2018.  I hit it one other time early in the year, but never got lower.

With these milder temps, I've been doing things like taking hour-long walks outside. Being outdoors when there's a slight breeze and it's not 80+ degrees is so invigorating.

It's nice to come here and report something upbeat.  Now if only it could last more than a couple days.