I've been looking for a hole to crawl into for the last couple of weeks.
I guess I'll get right to the icing on the cake that's been the most humiliating incident ....
On Friday I stupidly volunteered to pick up lunch from Zaxby's for myself and 3 coworkers. While carrying 3 full drinks, I slipped and fell in front of God and everybody. There was a man behind me who yelled "Ohh!" the way you yell at a missed field goal. Nobody in the crowded restaurant offered to help me and the lady behind the counter all but threw new cups at me to start filling up again. It was the worst feeling in the world.
I can't help but think that if I had been a skinny woman, all of those men (why were so many men in there that day at that time?) would have helped me. Someone could have done SOMETHING. I hope that I would help someone up if I had been in line. Ugh. I keep replaying the incident in my head over and over. I can't stop. I don't even know if anybody I knew was in there because I kept my head down the rest of the time.
Sooo...this was just the end to a week that was already kind of shitty. Just the usual self loathing and refusal to weigh myself because I'm just not interested in reality.
OH! And the reason I suggested Zaxbys was because I wanted to get a salad and straighten myself out. Dammit.
The good news is that I've tracked every bite for the last two days now. Maybe I can be humiliated into losing weight.