Monday, February 29, 2016

Always starting over

With every new month (or new year, new week, new season, etc.) I try and try again.  I continually have to start over because by the end of the previous month, I've lost all of my motivation to do the things necessary to lose weight.

I worry about heart disease and diabetes.  I worry about losing mobility and losing independence.  I worry about all of the things that are scary and depressing, but apparently I don't worry about them enough to change my lifestyle.

My husband has Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which I'm sure he's very happy to know that I'm telling the internet about (I love you, honey!!!!) and his symptoms are best controlled with a low fiber diet.  So most of the meals we cook at home are heavy on the white rice, potatoes and pasta.  Since fresh salads tear up his insides and I tend to let them go to waste, I bought a Ninja blender to make it easier for me to get in fruits and veggies.  I love green smoothies and used to make them regularly in my big old clunky blender, but it was time to upgrade.

Remember those Bullet blender things with the long infomercials where they made everything from pasta sauces, to muffin batter to a frozen sorbet dessert?  Some infomercials are so entertaining!

My first smoothie contained frozen blueberries, spinach, almond milk, ground flax and a banana.  So yummy!!!!  I went to GNC thinking I'd buy some protein powder, but that stuff is SO expensive and the tubs are all way too big.  I'd rather boil an egg or grab a slice of cheese to go with a smoothie.  Ooohh, I could also add peanut butter to one.


Have y'all been binge watching Fuller House? I love it!  It's a bit cheesy, but I'm a big ol' lover of cheese.

Also, the new season of House of Cards comes out on Friday and I'm so excited because, you know, I don't watch enough tv as it is.

Friday, February 26, 2016

The agony of dating while fat

I feel so lucky to not have to date at this size.  I was 180 pounds and 20 years old when I met my husband.  Somehow 180 pounds looks much better on a 20 year old than on someone in her mid-30s.  So I wasn't FAT, but I was still chubby.

Anyway, I have a friend who is freshly divorced (and hand to God, her divorce is the best thing that happened to the universe), but she is quite overweight and so afraid of dating.  I get that fear.  I really do.

My friend has had 2 children and claims that her stomach is a mess because of it. I haven't seen her naked tummy, but I understand how bodies work and I know what she looks like fully clothed.

Now that she's on the Newly Divorced Diet (that's a thing, right?) she wants to start walking and doing exercise videos so I think I have an exercise partner that is actually a good match for me.

A couple of my work friends are begging me to sign up for a 5 or 10k with them.  I'm actually considering signing up for one for some motivation.

I've been doing my own thing with exercise lately. Sometimes I get on the recumbent bike while watching tv. Other times I write out my own workouts to do during the day.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Sprouts and Things

Now that the days are getting longer, I'm really itching for spring to come.  We've already gone to Lowe's and stocked up on seeds and dirt for our garden.  The good thing about living in the Southeast is that we have a very long growing season, and we usually start planting vegetable sprouts in early March. The bad thing about this region is the soul sucking heat and mosquito population for 8 months of the year.  You win some, you lose some.

Anyway, my little seeds are already in some dirt and will sprout inside so they can be transferred outside in about 10-14 days.

Seriously though, when you get used to eating homegrown tomatoes, the things served in restaurants suddenly feel mealy and are tasteless.

I finally got my husband to go on a long walk with me today.  Here it is about 1:30 p.m. and I've already hit my 10,000 Fitbit steps for the day!

We have the doors and windows open because it's so sunny and beautiful today.  It's 76 right now and we have a high of 77, which is very warm for February.

Ugh.  This is already mosquito breeding weather.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

An Agony

One of the many agonies of being fat is that I can't find a workout partner on my level.  One of my BFFs is a big girl like me and has a Planet Fitness membership like me.  We plan to go just about every weekend, but one of us always cancels.  This has been going on for a few months now.

Then I have my skinny work friends who want to workout with me and I'm so frustratingly slow and NOT on their levels that I just can't make myself go with them.  These are girls who run and spin and do all the other things I dream about.  So when I'm out of breath 10 minutes into a walk and they are yelling "let's go, pick up the pace!" I feel terrible about myself.

My husband has a very physical job and is so wiped out by the time he gets home that he doesn't want to do anything except sit on the couch.

I just need to find my own motivation.  I need to worry about my health and take control of my own lifestyle.

I realize this post sounds a little whiny, but maybe someone out there can relate.

I'm in a fancy hotel room in Atlanta tonight because we have a work seminar thing all day tomorrow.  I'm not very excited about hitting the rush hour traffic tomorrow evening, but it is what it is.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

But the top of the muffin is tastiest

Happy Valentine's Day!

The work stress is gone for the moment. I crunch numbers for a living (because I lead a super wild and interesting life) and occasionally we have auditors breathing down our necks for a few days at a time. They're gone for now so I'm back to my normal stress level and not nuclear bomb stress level.

My size 18 pants are tight. Honestly, they've been tight for a year now but they're currently digging into my gut so I thought I'd mention it. I have a closet full of 16 and 14s and there's NO WAY my brain will allow me to buy 20s so I will suffer from muffintop and the inability to take a deep breath while clothed until I lose weight. Surely that's incentive.

I usually take my lunch to work, but on Friday I NEEDED pizza. Yes, needed. Don't argue with me. So I got a personal pan from the local pizza joint and it was so delicious that I couldn't even regret it.  I know it's possible to eat pizza and still be skinny so we can't go around beating ourselves up all the time. Like if I had eaten a whole large pizza, then maybe I'd need to re-evaluate some life choices.

So far this year (all 2 months of it) I've weighed myself on only the first of the months. I'm sticking with this trend because in true number cruncher style, I'm easily obsessed with the number on the scale. In my younger days, the scale dictated my mood for the day and I'm just too old for that crap. If I'm going to be pissed off all day, it's because I stepped in dog poo or ran out of coffee, not because my weight is up a fraction of a pound.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

The Stress Will Eat You

This has been an insane week at work and it's only Thursday.  I know we're not supposed to wish our lives away, but I'm ready for it to be the weekend.

Work stress has killed my eating and sleeping this week.  I had several days in a row of good eating last week with lots of activity and solid sleeping, but now here I am feeling puffy and run down and just generally blah.

I know that stress makes me eat, but it also makes me cranky and possibly a little depressed.  I fully intend to get back on track today though.  Hopefully a solid workout and fewer french fries will lift my mood.

My husband has also had some work stress and when we talk about his day, I start to feel his stress too, you know?  Like sympathy stress.

The good news is (or is this the bad news?) that since I've cut out chocolate, I haven't had an episode of my heart racing.  ALSO, I haven't had to take any heartburn medicine.  Apparently I really have a sensitivity to chocolate and either I didn't put two and two together or maybe I was in denial over it.  Either way, I feel so much healthier not eating it.

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Weekend Warrior

It's been a great weekend so far.  For the first time since I got my Fitbit 9 months ago, I've met all of the goals for the day. This is for yesterday...

That even included a trip to Planet Fitness!!!! My first one in many months so I'm very excited about it:)

I haven't been as active today, but I've done well with my eating. I've even been counting calories today which is shocking because I find counting calories so tedious (yet effective!).

I made lentil chili today, which is delicious and just 311 calories for a HUGE bowl. 

Have y'all heard of Goodbelly? It's a probiotic drink.  My husband has some digestive issues and the doctor suggested probiotics instead of medication (I love doctors who don't push drugs). He's been having good results so I tried some of it today and it's surprisingly delicious.

I'm a sucker for trying anything for good health.

We've been talking about what a struggle it will be to stay up for the Superbowl. Hah! We're so old.  I'm not much of a football fan, but the Superbowl is different, ya know?

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Heartbreaking Revelation

One of the first nights on my Colorado vacation, I had an episode where my heart started beating rapidly while I was at rest.  That night I had eaten chocolate frozen yogurt.

Two nights ago I made brownies and only had one, but that night I had another episode of increased pulse and a few palpitations thrown in there for an extra kick of anxiety.

I made this connection between chocolate and my heart activity while at work early this morning, but must've forgotten it when I saw the pan of brownies making googly eyes at me so I had one tonight.

  And sure as shit, I'm sitting here with a 110 pulse at rest.

I googled "chocolate makes my heart race" and read page after page of information that told me I'm not crazy.  Apparently chocolate sensitivity isn't rare and unusual. Maybe it's unusual that it waited until I was in my mid-30s to show up, but the condition itself isn't unusual.

As much as I love chocolate, I'm relieved to have made this connection.  I can give it up now that I know it's the heart thumping culprit.  In fact, it seems like chocolate would be easier to give up than coffee. When I went to the doctor about this heart crap, she told me to decrease my caffeine intake, which I've dutifully done.  But the heart racing only happens in the evenings and that just so happens to be the time I'm more likely to have desserts.

Monday, February 1, 2016


February is my do-over month since January was a bust.  The good news (and also the bad?) is that I weighed in at 234.5 this morning, which is what I was on January 1.

Today's eating was decent and I rode the recumbent bike for 30 minutes after work. My legs are tingly and I love it :)

Here is one of my favorite pictures from my Colorado trip. You can almost breathe in that crisp mountain air...